I must apologise for my recent absence, I have had to focus on the next phase of my own transition from survival. Towards the end of 2019, I became aware of things in my journey that I still needed to heal from and thus before I could continue and try to inspire others to take the journey to wellness, I knew I had to complete my own journey and heal completely.
I’d removed certain people from my life, I ate better, slept better, built healthier connections to others, continued on with therapy and had a better sense of self. But I still felt a little lack lustred..why? I wanted so badly to continue to expand Survive2Thrive and its message, but what’s the message? I was conflicted with staying and continuing to promote Survive2Thrive or pause and build a new and strong foundation for me and my family.
My day to day thoughts was a mesh of my past traumas, present instability AND trying to be of service to others? it made no sense. How could I be encouraging healing and transformation in others if I had still at the very core of me not completely healed? I had to stop, stop fighting and start thriving. Part of compassion for the self is to be ok with not being ok, it is to see a truth about yourself even if you don’t like it and embracing its lesson with vigour. That is the key to kick-starting the thriving process.
Ingredients: Bespoke to the observer
- 500g of truth
- 500g of courage
- 500g of compassion
To do this I had to gather the right ingredients for success. I realised that for me to truly heal I had to face the ultimate trauma, – my original caregiver. This person was someone I feared so much that I chose not to fight, but to run. I’ve been running all my life, I realised that by doing this, I couldn’t claim my power.
First, it’s about rebuilding your foundation the one you were given was from a negative environment. REMOVE IMMEDIATELY!! By getting to know yourself and your needs, by being kind and compassionate to yourself and others you will find your secret ingredient to winning within. For me, it was being present with my children and their lives. Historically my trauma has made me disassociate and at times be emotionally unavailable amongst other things. I became aware of all the trauma that had been bestowed upon me and how important it was to break the generational trauma and not pass it on. I made sure I was more loving, present, and consistent in my behaviour in the presence of my children. When alone I would choose to attend therapy, meditation and exercise. I want you to reach a point where you find the clues in the lessons that life gives you and build your ingredients from that. Each lesson is the component to your ingredients for success, and trust me not all of the ingredients you collect will be appealing but it’s relevant all the same.
Method: Gently Rub
it’s ok to get angry, it’s scary to think and speak of the trauma we had as a child. we run away, create identities we believe will keep us safe and take substances to forget. I promise you whatever your vice is it won’t ever leave unless you stop the ride and face what’s been chasing you.
You deserve love, healing and to be who you are destined to be, before the trauma. We can never avoid bad things happening to us and the trauma that can ensue, but we can change the way we react to its presence. Sometimes we have to mix things up to get a new perspective on our lives.
Timing: The choice is yours
So self-care is important not just to relieve stress in the short term but to prepare you for the release of trauma for the long term also. To those that are still feeling shame due to childhood trauma, what happened to you wasn’t right, it may have ruined your path in life and caused you to make decisions that did not promote self-care. However, I advise you to go and find out what components you need for your ingredients to self-care and how to prepare ‘it or you’ for fruition. How long it takes is how long it takes. My take on self-care is learning to forgive and the times you can’t forget it is possible to be ‘whole enough‘ to allow the feeling and thoughts to pass without allowing those feelings to stay and take the driver’s seat to your life…
The recipe to self-care isn’t just about getting your hair done or taking a long bath, it’s not just about going for walks and journaling -although all are a part of the self-care family. I believe there are many levels to the outcome. I believe self-care is about going to battle with the very things that scare you, facing the trauma and regaining your power back. With the right tools, it is possible to fight the good fight. It’s all about you and going within to never go without EVER again. It’s you becoming nourished, whole and empowered, self-aware and proud of who you are in the world. That is the driving force to a winning recipe.
Healing from trauma is not pretty but I assure you its pretty amazing once you do. I am still surviving but not solely from the heavy burdens of my trauma but from the new life, I have now that I have learnt how to let go of my trauma. I’ll take that any day! I have accepted that I have PTSD, attachment disorder, depression, amongst other conditions, as a result of my trauma but I choose to not allow these labels to be my only identity, yes they are a part of me but they most certainly are not the whole. So from one imperfectly perfect person to another, I hope you find the right ingredients to create the masterpiece that is you!