It could be argued that self-love is just a trend But I argue that the process of self-love can be a humbling experience and that if we all consciously participated in it we might just see the change in the world that’s needed. We all need social interaction and intimacy to develop well as human beings. However, co-dependency could be at play if we look for love from others while never embracing love for ourselves. Know that you must rescue yourself first, win your own heart and love you the way you deserve without the need for anyone else to validate you or love itself.
So how do we Survive the Journey of Self-Love and Thrive?
Below are my 6 Tips on How:
1. Past Trauma
Identifying and Reflecting on the patterns within your past, in relation to relationships, can be emotive. Shame will be present but can be processed. It is possible to have compassion for yourself and your past actions. For example – Abandonment. The feeling of being abandoned by your caregiver can create shame and self-blame. We allow this action/emotion to sink into our subconsciousness and then play out that pattern within our future relationships. It is possible to self-sabotage, mistrust and as a result, we create Projective Identification.
Projective Identification can be described as a way in which individuals project onto another their thoughts and/or feelings, resulting in the individual being projected on to, to believe and act in accordance with their partners’ projection. It is part of the self-love process and you owe it to yourself to look back before you can move forward. This can be heavy work and I would advise you to visit my support page to access mental health support that can support you along your journey.
Alongside receiving the right therapy, you may begin to gain an understanding of your past traumas, you may begin to question who you are without trauma, conditioned beliefs and the baggage that was left with you? This stage was personally the worst, as everything I knew of myself I had to face. Things I didn’t know about myself were not all proud moment to have to accept. It was very hard to transition out of this phase as it demands that You let go of the old you and embrace the developing you. Speaking with a mental health professional is advised, as potentially you may experience triggers in the interim.
Staying grounded and present is paramount and to gauge your mental wellbeing, I chose yoga and meditation as my outlet, alongside my desired mental health support. The aim is to be holistic with your approach, physical, mental, spiritual and emotional factors all matter when we are trying to connect with our authentic selves and be at one with our own identity.
3. Be Selfish & Selfless
In the context of this blog to be selfish and selfless is the yin and yang to your transformation. Your ‘reconstructive surgery’ can take some time and this is where patience is most needed. Any change in our programming can be hard and if you fall off track don’t be hard on yourself.
To be selfish in this context is to display authentic feelings at all times. Saying NO sometimes is self-care and means you care enough about yourself not to put yourself in any situation whereby you dishonour yourself. In other words, to articulate to another our truth can help our wellbeing and create the relationships we want rather than ones we don’t.
To be selfless is your time to be of service to others. Now you have been able to recharge and be ‘selfish’ as such, You are then able to perform better in your life, you have time for those you love and are able to be truly present. This will amplify not just your wellbeing but the wellbeing of others around you.
4. Override the Fear
This is when the volume from your inner critic will increase, your inner critic has never been challenged and has had full control of your limitations since you became conscious. Your inner critic will say all the bad things you have ever believed. There’s no easy way to say how to override the fear other than feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Failure is not as bad as we imagine and when we do fail its very enriching for your growth as a person.
You learn from the experience and move forward wiser. To feel fear is natural and is a survival response that can help us avoid harm. However, don’t confuse your fear as accurate. For example, the fear of speaking in public can feel like you may die on the spot. logically its not going to result in death. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
5. Be Open to New Experiences
It can be hard as you begin to rebuild yourself. However just like when you were a child, it was experiencing that created who you once were. Now you have the power to give yourself new experiences to get to know who you are NOW. Through your experiences, you will gain access to parts of yourself you never knew existed and just as you would in a relationship with another, you begin to develop feelings for your self!
6. Recognise your Worth
Reflecting on how we allow others to treat us can help put a measurement on how much self-love we have for ourselves, naturally by engaging in this thought process you are on your way to being able to identify your true self-worth. You recognise your ‘norms’ that have been harmful to your growth and as a result you’re worth. you stop putting yourself in the same situations.
Don’t be disheartened if these survival tips do not match your journey, each way to survive to thrive is individual and all I would encourage you to do is to seek professional support, whilst you begin to create the best version of you.
In theory, the world is made up of many parts that are you and me, as citizens, we make the whole. Therefore It brings me to ask two questions: If we do not have self-love individually, then as a whole, are we a society of people unable to love? If we were to take responsibility for our ‘part’ in the world, imagine what the world could look like as a ‘whole?’